In Closing: The Principles of a Successful Retirement

Here is the digest of my learnings about having a successful retirement. It boils down to the need to be intentional about having resources that enable desirable activity, agency and affiliation. This is the primary and overriding principle for people who are shifting into their final years, especially in America: there is a new level of choosing that needs practice and preparation in each of these areas.

Activity

Around the world, whatever the culture, there was a primal understanding that successful retirement did not mean just sitting on the couch and doing nothing.  Whether the activity is travel, or caring for grandkids, or getting involved in community service, or joining a gym, folks understood that those who didn’t do anything ended up unhappy or dead or both.  For some, this means, paradoxically, that the retirement from working may not be complete or at all. 

A key to happy activity in retirement may combine with other factors that make staying at work to some extent a smart move that isn’t a move, but a shift. So much of our activity in life is determined by external factors: by family, by employment, by location, that we are unaccustomed to choosing our own activities.  Life may have been so strenuous that we may have even forgotten how to play or what we really enjoy in life. Choosing what we want to do may bring on a basic existential confusion if we have no idea of what our basic needs, principles, or pleasures are.

For instance, for many people who are busy types, the very idea of a hobby that is not necessarily as productive as other parts of their life may seem peculiar, lazy, or even sinful.  For instance, I get great pleasure out of my spork collection and even consider keeping my eye out for sporky things to be a bit of a hobby.  Yet I understand the people who hear about this and are aghast at the frivolous nature of it. 

While ‘activity’ may imply physical activity, I mean it to be broader.  Of course for a number of reasons, physical activity is desirable in retirement and those who take that seriously prosper.  But there is a more comprehensive definition that would include mental or social activities that aren’t necessarily so muscular.  Like crossword puzzles, which my father, for instance grew to cherish in his older years.  Dr. Walt Robb, of GE R&D fame, is a busy guy in his 90s and even in spare moments love that soduko thing with the squares within squares of numbers.  He has books of them, does the one in the paper every day.  He stays active

Agency

By agency, I do not mean that we should all become insurance agents in our dotage.  Webster has this meaning as “the capacity, condition, or state of acting or of exerting power.”   We all desire to be able to control, or exercise power over ourselves, our environment, or the future.  When people talk about doing what they want to do in retirement, they are talking not only about freedom, but having the ability to do as they please.  If you are free to travel all you want but can’t afford it, that freedom is not as relevant to your satisfaction. Frederick Neitze saw agency as the fundamental driving force in humans.  He called it ‘will to power.”  Retirement is widely seen as a time when there is more ability to be in charge of what is happening in our lives.

People in retirement report satisfaction when they can have an effect on the world and control over their lives.  Not only is agency important for the feeling of freedom, but for the sense of purpose and accomplishment.  Volunteering in retirement is a desire to give back or at least do something, however small, for the betterment of humanity.  Who wants to live without any impact, without a trace, without anything to show for the breath we take?

All the concern about having enough money in retirement is really about agency.  Will you have enough to live life as you please and to be productive in the way you choose?  If you don’t have enough income, you may need to take a job you don’t really like just to get by.  You will then be in someone else’s control.  If you don’t have enough income, you may have to move in with your kids and we all know how that can cramp everyone’s style.

The issues of agency raise problems in retirement when we do not know how to exercise power in our lives.  The idea that no one is telling us what to do anymore may bring on some dread or at least disorientation as we exercise existential muscles that are rarely used in the workaday world. Autonomy over time brings with it new possibilities of failure, whatever that might mean.

Affiliation

Whether we understand it this way or not, in our working years our identity is tied up in what we do for a living and who we hang out with when not at work. The places that give us interpersonal structure and satisfaction in addition to our workplace may include:

• Family
• Religious institutions
• Athletics, both participatory and observational
• Musical and theater groups, choirs, bands 
• Fandom of some sort
• Mutual compulsions of gambling, drinking, drugs
• Political groups
• Social institutions i.e. Lodges, Posts, Clubs
• Educational groups, alumni, library groups
• Hobby or craft groups, i.e. knitting, trains, quilting, scrapbooking

These categories are by no means mutually exclusive but are examples of the many ways people choose to be sociable while doing something else. Most of the activities of the list could be practiced by an individual alone, but there is something about the human condition that calls us to do things together. In many cultures, this need is filled mostly by the extended family and the hundreds of social groups in America are seen as curiosities. It may be the case that some cultures have compensated for the demise of the extended family by institutionalizing many more forms of social contact.

The need for intentional affiliation is even more pronounced in retirement when people have more time to be sociable in the way they choose to be, rather than mostly at the workplace. This may suggest an intentional ‘shopping’ for groups and places that meet interpersonal, interest, and identity needs.

In addition to the formal affiliations, it is clear that successful retirement requires honing the interpersonal skills required to make and keep friends.  We may have forgotten the rules of friendship that are less important with ‘longitudinal’ friends.  Reciprocity, conflict management, intentional scheduling, and integration with other friends are skills that may need to be brushed off in a very intentional way when forging several new relationships in the new world of not working in the same way that retirement brings.  We may underestimate the extent to which our work friends were meeting our social needs until they are gone.  

Left Over Poems

Here are some poems that I found lying about in my notes. Perhaps I thought them unworthy. You can decide.

First Person Singular

I’m not overly fond of “I”
“I”s are a bit selfish, or at least self centered
I think

On the other hand (my other hand)
If I don’t use I or me or myself
I royally proclaim what is
Hiding my I behind the omniscient eye

Perhaps I should try to fool you more
With no “I”s
Much easier to swallow
But less refreshing
So I will brew my
“I”s tea
Dark and dusty
With sugar and lemon

Just the Titles of Books I Want to Write About Retirement

• Closing Arguments
• It’s Another: How Everything is Not One Thing
• The Old Gray Mare: Thank Goodness She Ain’t
• DayNew Mon
• Just Desserts
• Postlewd
• Fall Forward
• Jack’s Afterglow: Jumping Over the Candleshtick
• Taps Dancing

I Know a Place

There is a place where I could be
Where no one knows
Me

There is a place where I could start
Over and over
Alone
But safe
In the way that being lonely is
Safe

Travels with Levering - The Book

As it turns out, it is fairly easy to put together a publication that is a collation of blog posts. So, due to the overwhelming popular demand of three or four people being put on the spot, I will be publishing a gathering of these blogs in two book formats.  The first will be a cheap legal sized booklet of about 150 pages.  The second will be an Amazon version of that same booklet that you can order with impunity and a few dollars more. Drafts are being edited at this very moment, but don't count on anything until Thanksgiving. I have found that the length of my blogs is short enough that this can be a handy distraction for small rooms with plumbing, where many might say it deserves to be.

Professional Retirement

In all my discussions with people about retirement, it’s clear that professional people had an easier time for a variety of reasons. By profession, let’s say it means “a paid occupation, especially one that involves prolonged training and a formal qualification.” (www.lexico.com) Obviously, professionals has fewer financial worries, so there was that, but quite apart from that certain various professions had various reasons they prospered in retirement. Let’s look at them.

Teachers
Teachers know how to retire. Most had been getting summers off for most of their career, so know how to ‘do nothing’ and often had experience doing it with their partner (since teacher couples are common), so they had the travel and leisure thing down.

Lawyers
Many of the lawyers I know seem to have a great level of control over their professional lives even if they are in a practice. They can leave a practice if they desire, without a great deal of angst from what I can tell. So these are people who have perhaps said yes or no to cases and work load their whole lives. They don’t really retire. They just cut back to a level of activity that feels good to them. They are able to turn the flow of cases on and off, and do. My sister is a consultant for family owned foundations and she did the same thing when she kinda sorta retired some years ago. She raised her fees a bit and said no a bit until she had the load she wanted. These are some of the most successful retirements because they have two of the most cherished factors: control and productivity.

Ministers
My data set is skewed here since I know so many retired ministers. I did have formal sit downs with several. It’s complicated for these folks since they usually do not have the luxury of metering exactly how much they want to work for a congregation. Denominations have rules about when and how ministers leave churches, especially in retirement.

Physicians

Somewhat like lawyers, physicians are used to metering their patient load so have an easier time getting the right work dosage to meet their needs. There is a bit more to the load, though, since people’s health is often a very serious issue for them.

Engineers

Engineering was included in the traditional list of professions and I think can be broadened in the modern world to include all kinds of people who plan and implement the way the world operates. These very practical people are often the most interested in making sure they are still productive in their retirement, since that’s how there measures in many ventures. These folks prosper with structure and clear responsibilities and organizations that can tune into that labor pool do well.

Civil Servants

I need to talk to more police and fire fighter types about how they retire, because all I know is what I read in the papers about their retirement benefits. 

Another Retirement Roundtable Offered

This post is really for people in the Capital District.  We started a Retirement Roundtable group that meets on first Wednesdays at 7:30 in the morning.   We got a great turn out of 22 people, many of whom were not a part of the church.  I also had a gaggle of moaners who do not get out of bed before noon for whom the idea of a 7:30am meeting was simply inconceivable.  This, combined with the fact that 22 people is just a bit over the amount that can do a group thing like this well, has caused me to offer another roundtable time.  I'm going to try an additional class on first Wednesdays at 1pm.  This will in no way be connected to the lunch that is served every Wednesday from 11:30 to 12:30.  You may note that it is on the same day as the first group.  This way I will only need to prepare a little lesson once since I would forget it if only a day or two intervened.

The first group was full of diverse, interesting people and I am hoping for the same in the second one. People in all stages of retirement including not even close are invited.  If you are a peculiar person, you are especially invited.  Please identify yourself as such when you arrive.  We will talk about the issues and feelings of retirement and share our knowledge.  What we can remember of it.

We may even have a third one of these in the evening.  Probably first Wednesdays.  :)

Let me know about the 1pm thing if you are coming to it or shifting from the other.  Thanks.

Retired Sports with Friends

I have had the chance to hang out more than usual at the Colonie Golf Course that has on it's site Martel’s Grill and Bar. At this time of the year, on a nice day, the place is packed with older golfers palling around with each other at various volumes after doing whatever it is that golfers do.  I get the sense that there is a bit of competition, but that much of it is an excuse to hang out and drink and do just a little something about that waistline. After golf time it’s all men attended to by engaging female waitstaff and bartenders. It’s a nice place.  It’s a retired man’s haven because it has sport (did I mention the many monitors of sport-on-the-wall going on?), drinks, a nice atmosphere, and a feeling of privilege.  I mean after all, golf requires the time and accoutrements of class. 

This is opposed to the folks at the Court Club who play handball.  Those guys revel in clothes that do not match and a setting without privilege. Handball is no sport for the faint-hearted or clean smelling. And yet, something is the same.  Here are old white guys who have found a place to be other than the office.  They have friends and activity and a schedule of sorts that gets them out of the house. The retirees in these places and those like them have a heartiness in their lives and relationships that is the essence of a good retirement.

I play squash.  It is, of course, the perfect game. It is classy without being pretentious.  It gives one of the best aerobic workouts of any sport and does not take up a third of your day.  The people I play with are my friends. We joke, we tease, we swear, and sweat. But not too much. It is an intentional joy that requires scheduling and arrangements and a bit of equipment.  As opposed to racquetball, it requires strategy and finesse. As opposed to tennis, you can play it all year long and do not spend most of your time chasing balls. As opposed to doing nothing, you get healthier and more connected, and suffer the mixed blessings of winning and losing, of exhilaration and exhaustion.

There is also a group of people, including women I hear, who get some of the same pleasures out of classes of various types requiring stationary bikes or movable weights or thin foam pads invented by Hindu contortionists.  In these classes someone up front (or right next to you!) often shouts encouragements or directions.  Friends are made, calories are burned.  Sweat is sweat. This must appeal to retired people somehow in particular, since the Ciccotti Center in Colonie has all sorts of these classes populated by people who are subsidized by institutions interested in their health, i.e. Medicare or CDPHP.  I don’t really understand this kind of thing, though, since I have had people shouting at me from up front most of my life and am ready for something else, thank you very much.

Poem: Again the Leaving

Again the leaving
again the returning
like blood leaving our hearts
only to return
like library books
or ships at sea
or lost loves
or senses
or souls

Time and place and person
tug us back
to a certain harbor

Always leaving
always returning

Let us look to the heart
of the pulsing stars
and hope
fully
the returning is to the harbor called God